CrEAN IS BACK!

true

2011-05-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

(and sometimes the safari is really a catholic church in san salvador and i am oscar romero)

moonlighting

2011-05-18T22:02:00.000-07:00

at night i moonlight as a surfer superher o on safari because my thoughts moonlight as dreams

2011-05-18T21:48:00.002-07:00

art with a heart! bab's favorite poet S. A. R. K. should have a festival of that name for kids that need a new heart. because it means they get a heart and the heart is there emotionally in the kids art. speaking of poetry (or semiotics or whatever you want to speak of) i read something interesting by roland barthes today, surprised/??? i was too! anyway it was about being a baby and a maniac. i wish i could remember it better. i will. and then ill tell you exactly what i was going to say. i feel my lungs are full of sand so i better shuffle off (this mortal coil jkjk)

2011-05-18T21:48:00.001-07:00

i am real art

expansions

2011-05-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

my heart is opening up and i hope it stops before its too late. talk about the red sea, and good luck parting it (idk)

tight like a knot

2011-04-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

yesterday babs caught our neighbor trying to siphon gas from her car. we had a big laugh about it with him, because we said "man what re you doing!" and he said "i was just testing the neighborhood watch, and i guess you were wwatching hahaha" it was pretty cute. but part of me thinks he really wanted some gas, its a hot commodity right now and i dont know. hes a nice guy, but i just dont know. anyway we all went out for pizza afterwards, my treat. babs had one two many tom collinses and got PRETTY giggly. i would say she was as bubbly as the water in her tommy. (thats what we call them;) )anyway this guy walks up to us! walks right up, you know the type, he went to college for numbers or something. anyway he had glasses and he said right to babs! you are stupid. and he walked away or started to anyway and i tapped him on the shoulder and said, "shes not stupid shes just perfect." and his eyes went soft and he actually hugged me. instead of being stupid, she is perfect she is someone i really love. and that guy really understood.

2011-04-08T17:47:00.000-07:00

i thnk i got my leg caught in a seaweed in my dream last night because i woke up kicking and breathing in a way that meant something. i wanted those breaths in a big way. do you ever worry that you wont want them enough

p.s.

2011-04-08T07:57:00.001-07:00

i also wonder how many balloons it would take for me to float in the air

thinking about green stuff

2011-04-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

well the trees are budding and i feel like a blushing bride all over again. does spring do that to you too?? i have been listening to a lot of music and just running around (in my head, i can't run around much in my house because it makes bab's cat feel too excited like a baby tiger and she jumps at me, and i gotta say i get sort of scared!) hahah. but even though the cat gets crazy, sometimes i smell a flower in the air and i cant help but jump up, too. i wanna jump up at the air like the cat jumps up at me, trying to get closer to something and share. spring is fun because everything is kissing in the air. the flowers are kissing each other and the bugs are kissing and everything is making more. and when things want to make more things get excited, and so do we. we can feel it! those bugs and trees are making us wild~

girls just wanna have!

2011-04-07T13:57:00.001-07:00

memory: full

2011-03-04T22:29:00.000-08:00

well its good we have the internet these days because MY memory bank cant hold on to much!
did you ever read dr seuss and think hey my brain has just enough room for fox in sox and not a whole bunch more. i bet you maybe are getting confused, i am not being clear. why not you ask? well ! i can tell you in fifty words or less. today after writing three poems for babs, my brain is on. and when that happens its a whole new language. sorry, but thats all i can say! when you miss your lady and you tell her so in a sonnet it takes time. it takes a long time. and thats why all thats left is foxes in soxes. the rest got squeezed into 14 lines like juice from an orange! the weird membranes are left but, you know. i would read you the poem but i bet she would get embarrassed ;)

give in

2011-03-04T21:36:00.000-08:00

so i helped out with kindergarten round up this week at my parish.
we drank kool aid and everyone had blue lips, it was hilarious but also really weird! what if that was what we thought looked nice now. well, maybe we did think that in the nineties. that was a weird time, overall and for me personally.

anyway, round up reminded me of running.
i used to run and run until the glow bugs were in the sky and my mom was telling me to take off my shoes and get inside and cool it! but then i would just jump on my bed til i was too jazzed and then when that had to stop, i would just talk and talk to my brother gabe, we shared a room.

now i could run as long as i wanted and no one would tell me to stop but my little heart, its a muscle that tires out easily these days except when it comes to love it just keeps on going like that rabbit ;)

chris mas

2010-12-19T19:49:00.000-08:00

ok so its christmas again which i totally love!!

2010-12-14T22:29:00.000-08:00

i was 5hinking about finding a pet today

water

2010-12-10T14:47:00.001-08:00

i had something to say about water while i was taking a bath but i got lost in the water, and forgot. i bet it was something about how ...no, i really really forgot. water can do that to you. i guess i had an accidental "rebirth" and now i can't remember my old thoughts. baptism, you know about that. maybe it was about something like that. i really want to remember. if i remember, i will let you know. it felt big.

more on holes

2010-10-10T19:54:00.001-07:00

sometimes you think you are falling down a hole but its just a tunnel and you dont know til you see the light, i bet SARK would get what i mean. but i dont know still because some tunnels are really long and sometimes its just not a tunnel, just ask those guys trapped in the mine

haha you can't sled down a hole

2010-10-10T19:52:00.001-07:00

i bet alice in wonderful (i typed that on accident but i left it because it sounds like a nice place to be (i meant wonderland, obviously)) could have figured it out, she was an accidental genius. but so are a lot of people

i could look far and wide

2010-10-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

so,
i am falling into a deep hole (like when u are on a sled and are a kid and whats at the bottom?who cares!!) and i hope there are friends and food at the bottom because i dont know how to get back to the top

there is a distance

2010-10-08T21:26:00.000-07:00

do u ever crawl out of your cave (we are all tired hungry bears) looking for your fellows and then you realized everyone walked a couple of miles away because they heard about some good food? but nobody told you. they thought someone else told you? or at least that's the best possible conclusion. maybe they just thought you could be some good food to something else. and thats true, thats all we can really hope to be anyway. we are just stuff for other stuff to get stuff from. and thats ok, but its hard. its hard because as PEOPLE animals (a weird breed of animal) we are taught to distance ourselves from the animal of our human. so i dont know, just ...let me know if you go a couple miles down river looking for food, because i am hungry too

friends

2010-09-17T10:56:00.001-07:00

i guess i have more to say
(that little bug is still running around i hope he doesnt get hurt)
do you ever have friends you want to say hi to
so much
over and over
hi!
and you are scared they wont say hi back?
i will say hi back.
i always want to say hi.
i just want to talk about how much i like all of my friends
i think i will post some nice pictures of things
as a little present to my friends
its like one big "hi"

first of all these are my friends the boxelders

i dont know , this sort of freaked me out

this is mercury

this is mercury too, i like this one better

i guess i am really into infinity right now

HEY

2010-09-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

so my girlfriend got me this poetry book (yes i have a girlfriend!) and ive been reading it a whole lot (yes i read poetry not ashamed to admit it!) these days. its really nice how people can say so much with so little and this one really got me:

HEY
the grass beneath a tree is content
and silent

a squirrel holds an acorn in its praying hands,
offering thanks, it looks like

the nut tastes sweet; i bet the prayer spiced
it up somehow

the broken shells fall on the grass,
and the grass looks up
and says,
"hey."

and the squirrel looks down
and says,

"hey."

i have been saying "hey" lately too,
to God.

formalities just weren't
working.

that was a translation from rumi. i mean, have i ever read a poem that was so much about me and God and our planet no i dont think so. i cried and cried after i read this, and then i wrote my own love poem to God but i dont think i am ready to share it. hey to you too, i think i miss you.

hey!!!!! (no pun intended, but really i mean, HEY WHOA!)
there is a little boxelder walking around on my keyboard!
right this very minute! i gotta be careful not to crus it while i type!
i wonder what he is wanting to say?
i should let him type, but hes just too small
he cant say what he needs to
i really like these little bugs
but most of the ones i have in my house only have five legs
and the internet says six
and i wonder why i got all these broken little friends
maybe they need me
i wish i could talk to him

back before now

2010-08-30T21:52:00.001-07:00

it's weird when you remember that the past really DID happen. it isn't something you dreampt up it's in your cells its the marks in the floorboards and all the holes you nailed into your walls and there aren't nails there anymore, you moved that painting into another room.

double rainbow

2010-08-24T22:42:00.000-07:00

i can't believe ted's video went "viral" we had so much fun when we went to chile in 1992. (the chile eating contest in oklahoma city, that is hah) we had so much fun there. yeah, we were college friends and it's was fun to see his face again

web 2.0

2010-08-22T18:10:00.000-07:00

when is web 3.0 and does that mean i get a robot wife

she looks real enough to me

2010-08-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

man i am so tired

its been awhile

2010-08-21T21:56:00.000-07:00

since i said im sorry

i was thinking the other day about lonliness. i am alone a lot, and lonely sometimes. but i dont feel lonely right now even though maybe i should in my bachelor pad. its been two weeks since babs left for england (she goes there in the summer sometimes to see her adoptive mom, she didnt grow up there). there is a big space that pours out from you and people far away. but big spaces can get filled with big things, and i am filling this one with tiny statues. yeah ive been building! little statues made of things i find. one for each day babs is gone. and i wrote a poem for her too and i mailed it to her. she laughed. it was about how i am a tomato and she (I THINK I JUST HEARD A GIANT SNAKE IN THE BACKYARD) sorry for the digression. its about a man turning into a tomato. i think she liked it. (i just heard the snake thing again i hope everything is ok). sorry i guess i dont have any real big thoughts tonight, its been a long day. i made a few extra statues today.

water water everywhere and im drunk!

2010-06-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

welp its raining and its not raining men, hallelujah. (jk, pride is this weekend and guys who love guys are o.k. bye me!) i hope no little mice or cats got drown, because i saw a man swimming down main street :s

we start small i guess

2010-05-10T16:51:00.000-07:00

this is a six day embryo, gross i guess but sort of cute because this is what we were

do ya

2010-05-10T16:48:00.001-07:00

do you ever get junk mail and treasure it just for a minute like its from a long lost friend? me neither

mirrors

2010-04-29T16:42:00.001-07:00

sometimes when i look in the mirror at the end of my day (i brush my hair), i see the little boy chris hiding in my face, and he sees me. and i am surprised that he understands me, and he is not surprised when i understand him

welcoming

2010-04-05T16:34:00.000-07:00

its good to feel welcome in your own home, and i do

happy easter

2010-04-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

today i was listening to the township choir on the radio, on my way to Bab's aunt's house. they sang the song the lord of the dance, which was my mom's favorite growing up because she likes songs like that, And i was thinking about how hard it really would be to dance with the devil on your back, and i felt like i had one of those moments where you remember that Jesus was probably the son of God, but he was also a person who had a hard life. trying to be joyful when you have that much weighing you down

not sure still

2010-02-24T18:21:00.003-08:00

i am not sure if you still have any ideas about how we were gonna trick that guy, but if you remember you should tell me because i have been trying to tell babs this story at dinner all week, but i just cant remember it right

for everyone

2010-01-23T23:14:00.001-08:00

every sister has a sister

sometimes it's just a surprise

2010-01-22T23:09:00.001-08:00

sometimes it can get to feel shocking to see how far away you can get from the people who are just a stones throw (or a rock, however you see it hah).

HOW PINEAPPLES ARE

2010-01-16T18:20:00.000-08:00

wish i had one right now to eat

2010-01-16T15:23:00.001-08:00

do you ever watch a movie that you remember really liking but then you realize its really scary or is just really i dont know, you know though

i'm not that sorry!

2010-01-12T20:25:00.001-08:00

sorry for that last post, i was sort of tipsy with babs when i wrote it. sometimes we like to have a few drinks and blog together, except she doesnt have one. she had a scotch and soda and i had two amaretto sours, a drink i learned about last time babs and i visited missouri, to visit her mother~

whoa a whole new year

2010-01-11T17:40:00.000-08:00

well its a new year again

and time passes like when you are eating at a table and there is a lazy susan. and you want the salt and its on the other side, but you just turn the thing and there it is! it happens so easily sometimes. well i have been tired lately, and that means i have been having a hard time thinking straight. my mind gets so cloudy.
but anyway,
THIS MIGHT FEEL FAMILIAR, HAHHA

i was looking at my parents weddding pictures. my mom was so happy on her wedding day. just kidding, because i dont know for sure because i wasnt there, i mean how could i have been !! i was just a sparkle in their eyes, i was just stardust waiting to come down to earth! if i had been there i would have said "you aren't going to stay this happy unless you really try" and she wouldnt understand yet.

but anyway, did you ever hear of grandmaster flash? my coworker gabe dryll really was playing their music loud at an after-work get together the other day and im not afraid to say i really liked it! try listening to it but dont judge yourself when you really want to start dancing

bigsmall

2010-01-08T09:28:00.001-08:00

wondering if being around a real giant would feel like being around your parents when you were really small, i mean maybe you would feel safe

the answers are there if you know where to look

2009-11-07T15:01:00.000-08:00

there have been different things following me around these days. like a little trail of thoughts, like the train on a wedding dress, or the cape of some sort of king or prince, even. but these thoughts are not as beautiful and are more gray. winter is coming here, and babs and i took a last scenic drive through the prairie before it gets covered in that ol' white stuff, SNOW. it is happening again.

little milestones

2009-10-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

i was talking to a little baby three year old kid today, while i was waiting for babs at the eye clinic. waiting rooms can be so weird, when you really think about it! a room for waiting! i couldnt believe it, but then again, i guess i could. anyway this little guy was talking to me, and then he sprinted away to chase after someone who was probably his brother. and then he came back! and showed me his plastic tiger named rudy. and i told him 'i walk how you run.' and i think he knew what i meant. it's a strange connection between us, the old and the very small.

let our love survive

2009-10-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

i am so excited for halloween!
me and my baby have been watching scary movies;);)
including.....

AHHAHHHAHHHH scanners!

older

2009-10-06T21:42:00.000-07:00

when you are young you say 'i are getting bigger,' something like, 'i'm not a baby any more i'm big. i am five.' but when you are me, you are old, and you say 'i are getting older.' i am getting old.

i wish the movie death becomes her was real and me and babs could live forever, jk. we are both bad actors. hahah

i just don't know how to explain the things i have felt, and how i am feeling now. things change, and it's hard to remember that you have only just been you. but really, sometimes i feel like i am on the run. and i have no idea how to get home without someone finding out who i was.

missing pieces

2009-10-05T22:46:00.000-07:00

there is something pulling on me from somewhere, and i don't know it

all night long

2009-10-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

i heard people shouting outside my house all last night, and it didnt even wake babs up. but it woke me up. but not the kind of wake up when you are really up, i was down, laying down, you know what i mean? i know you know what i mean.

but i was awake in my head and i felt like ghosts were watching me sleep, because i was in the in between places. i got scared, but i felt safer knowing that babs was there. what were they fighting about so long and loud? (i almost called the 5-0) how can two small people shake my entire neighborhood and make me feel something so strange, like the ghosts?

i started to draw a journal entry about it this morning,

but then on my porch something very bad happened.
have you ever smelled a flower and it smelled very good? i know you have. well sometimes god makes mistakes, and i think he did this one on purpose. i think he was really drunk when he invented this one!!! its the female gingko!! ta da:

getting closer,

uh oh!

its the berries! they smell like rotting butter or throw up even, and i am being serious. according to the internet, the fruit is edible, but who would want to eat something that smells so bad? a dummie probably or someone that is really hungry and clever

sometimes it's just better to laugh at the things god does

sickness follows

2009-09-05T23:20:00.000-07:00

i have been wishing my friends were closer to me in so many ways. they run off and live their big livesi am counting the pieces of scrap paper that i have in my wallet. how could they run off like this when i am in town again for the first time,

god and the jungle

2009-09-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

how did god know about arranging everything to make it perfect in the jungles, and in the rainforests? i have been watching a lot of nature tv lately and it makes me feel like i mean, how does someone JUST KNOW. if i was god things wouldnt be great, but i am good at arranging things and i am a precise man because i have a virgo moon, so maybe the world wouldnt be a totally lost cause.

what a clown!

2009-08-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

FIRST OF ALL:

i thought i should share this video i took when Babs and I went to Battle Harbour, for a dramatic christmas getaway! It was really something, i really identified with it.

ANYWAY ENOUGH ABOUT ME HHAHAHHA jk,

sorry, guys and people in the internet, for not posting onto my blog! my girlfriend and wonder woman BABS got back from england not too long ago and we have been getting real! i missed her a lot, as you might remember. i felt like i was always falling down! but now that she's back, i dont have to worry any more!

well, i am feeling sort of confused with stuff today, so i am just going to post some pictures of my favorite animals, SLOTHS. my mind feels like a bug bomb got in there! like, someone accidentally mistook my mind for an ant colony. well, they should have taken a second look! anyway, my mind is all foggy now. i dont know

BUT WHERE DID THEY GET THOSE FACES???? how did god know to make them like that,

LIFE CYCLE OF A STAR

2009-07-07T07:28:00.000-07:00

when did we all get so old

2009-06-27T09:44:00.000-07:00

i just can't believe it.
i just can't believe it.

the hook brings you back

2009-06-18T10:14:00.001-07:00

Hey, i know its something you already know about, but getting emotional from a song ten years ago is just a funny experience. i mean, sometimes i just break down and cry. Yesterday i was remembering when my brother was on the price is right, and he won the showcase showdown. that made me cry too.

my rememberings are digging through a bowl of fruit, sometimes some pieces are moldy and you get surprised. i dont know. i dont really want to talk about it any more.

I mostly just feel like this-

i think i am going to try drinking coconut juice.

puzzles

2009-06-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i need something more than what i have to keep me together.
like a puzzle, when its done, sitting on your table. and you start to pick it up because maybe for a second you forgot it was a puzzle made of tiny pieces? and then you drop one on your carpet and its just.... impossible to find that piece. your dog maybe ate it or something. when i feel like that, then i need to go on a walk.

me, too.

2009-06-15T21:42:00.001-07:00

you wanna know whats beautiful? the way clovers go to bed at night, they close up just like people do when they get sleepy.

looking up looking in

2009-06-04T10:31:00.001-07:00

i cant figure these things out anymore. i hope my planets align someday. for now, i am just going to keep singing. that usually helps.

sometimes, it start's to make sense. but then i remember things that happened, and i get lost again. i just want to keep my head above water.
earth wind water fire!!! hah

the stars and my girlfriend

2009-05-15T10:04:00.001-07:00

So, i guess i have been trying to map out who i am through the stars, called astrology. i cant answer for myself, that's what the stars are for. but i cant understand it because so many selves start to pour out. i am feeling frustrated. i keep uncovering and erasing and marking and removing. i am plotting it all out by hand. but i guess thats all we can ever do.

um, my girlfriend Babs has been out of town lately, BUT she sent me a book in the mail by her favorite poet, SARK, and its been really inspiring. Want to see? Anyway, Babs is always doing little things to make me feel more a part of the real world. It's hard. its hard to stay tethered down.

systems

2009-04-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

i sometimes look at the stars and connect the lines between them, but not the way all the books told me to when i was little. i like to draw my own pictures. seafarers use the sky as one big map! you dont even need another map. its funny when the stars can help you get from one place to another on earth, and then there is also astrology, which is another way to get from place to place. mapping out area, like the night sky, is like trying to organize your desk. it's the spaces in between the objects that is going to be the bigger problem.

srsly

2009-02-19T22:37:00.000-08:00

so tonight i watched magic unfurl. i hope you know what i am talking about, because i am talking about beautiful things that made me feel real. its funny that i say that, because i am not. not like that. i saw people opening up to strangers, becoming magic for others. how can we do this?

i am organizing space

2009-02-12T12:04:00.000-08:00

i have been organizing the spaces between the objects that are laying around living room. things look messy to you, but i have everything just right. i can't wait to show you my journals! everything makes a little more sense once you tape it into a book. i have been reading a lot about the majesty of walking, and it means a lot to me. i have found that walking is the same as the space i have been arranging. there isnt much difference between me and the stuff on my floor, hahah! do you know what i mean?

im frustrated

2009-02-09T17:12:00.001-08:00

hi guys.
do you ever feel like your skin is just an outfit thats too tight? and you feel like it doesnt fit right? i guess thats how i feel right now, and its because im frustrated!! i have been tracing out the passages and paths that tom crean and his crew took in antarctica. its making me feel mad! i wish i could have been on his crew, too. but instead im just here.

forgets

2009-02-08T10:47:00.000-08:00

there are still moments that i lose, and to make it even, moments i invent. i am building a reality out of faulty parts. oops, i hear the microwave. dinner

crean cuts loose

2009-01-23T12:20:00.000-08:00

while this cold air settles in, i am starting to move backwards in time. do you know how that happens? when that one little string that holds you in place gets cut and you are falling backwards, again. thats how it happens. my string broke. i have been looking at maps of the places i have been in my mind. i have been memorizing all the ice shelfs in antarctica. i am looking for my lost histories.

traveling blind

2008-11-09T00:35:00.000-08:00

i was wondering how many times you have met a new friend before they were an old friend? please tell me soon, i really want to know. how many times have we even met? i have got a couple friends that i see around and they really mean the world to me. i can only hope to be something like that for your friends. i have met a few of them. how about when you are musing, writing something on a piece of paper and then you hear loud sounds behind you? and you get scared and your pen starts writing off of the paper and you lose where you were going? that is happening to me right now. there are loud sounds invading my quiet room. how many socks are there in my closet, anyway. i know that is a question that doesnt need an answer but so many things are like that. i am going to go count them. i'll let you know.

my peaceful world

2008-11-08T15:44:00.000-08:00

limits kept me from making my stories before, but now i can tell you everything.